Extra, Extra! Read all about it!

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newspaper   It’s hard to read all about it when your newspaper carrier only brings the paper by on a rare occasion. I know, get with the times and read your news online! I do that too. Ok, only Facebook really. So, whatever makes the headlines there is my education for the day. I may not know what is happening in the world but I can tell you the latest Kanye drama. But still, I like getting the paper (mainly for the funnies and the occasional crossword). I have paid for a subscription. What seems to be the problem?? Today I called the newspaper office for the hundredth time and I was in fact told what the problems are.

  1. It is my fault that I live on a route where few others receive a newspaper so it’s possible to get skipped due to my unacceptable location. (I live on a college campus so you figure that one out).
  2. It is also my fault that I live in an apartment building because in the dark it is hard to see the numbers. (We live on a main street right next to some very large street lights).
  3. I should not be angry I didn’t receive my paper. (This is at least the 40th time this has happened so I may have been a wee bit irritated).
  4. My missed paper cannot be re-delivered. (No explanation why).
  5. If I am lucky, I may receive a paper tomorrow but if not, I am welcome to call the office. (Sure, because that worked wonders this time).
  6. I will not be receiving any credit on my account because “These things happen”. (Of course they do but this is ignorance in excess and I am tired of paying for a paper I can’t read).
  7. If I need further assistance, I can call and talk to Lisa. (I ask, “Are you Lisa?” She said “No.”)

So there you have it, everything explained in black and white…

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The Tank Takes A Stand

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tank    The hot celebrity news of the day is that some rapper guy they call “Tank” is dissing Kanye for posting too many nude/revealing photos of Kim Kardashian. Why do you care dude? Why does anyone? If you don’t want to look at them, don’t! He said it was time to be a grown up and stop posting those pictures. Wouldn’t the way to actually grow up be to just put some clothes on? But, if she is comfortable with herself and her body, more power to her. I may flaunt my package too if I had the goods. Unfortunately, anyone who saw me naked would yell “Roll that beached whale back into the ocean!” So, I stay clothed as to not alarm environmentalists.

The great “Tank” went on to say that when he got married, he wouldn’t post those types of pictures because “That’s his”. No worries Tank, with that “women are possessions” mentality, I’m sure you will remain single for some time to come.

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