Modern technology can be difficult and I’m not just talking about using it. I’m talking about obtaining it. I have been trying to acquire an internet connection at a commercial building that I am renting for about a month now (which for us internet junkies is the equivalent of one year at least). Here’s the progress so far…
I call the first internet company. ME: “I’m calling because I’d like to set up a new internet connection.” THEM: “Well, I don’t know. What is your address?!” I give the required information and I am told that they don’t provide service in my area. ME: “Oh, ok. Thank you for your time.” THEM: “I can set you up with a package deal of phone, internet and tv.” ME: “But you don’t provide internet in my area?” THEM: “Correct.” ME: “No thanks, the internet is what I need the most.” THEM: “How about high speed at 1/2 the price for 6 months?!” ME: ?!?** I once again decline even though high speed of nothing is quite tempting.
I call the second internet company. ME: “I’m calling because I’d like to set up a new internet connection.” THEM: “It will be at least a week and a half before we can get a tech out.” ME: “Alright, I guess I’ll have to wait then.” We get the appointment set up. Sort of. A date is set but the time is “Sometime between 8 am and 5 pm”. Good. Glad we could get that nailed down. On the day of the appointment, I sit at the building waiting for many hours. A call to the office assures me that “He’s out there.” Out where, exactly? Out in the country? In outer space? And, are we still talking about internet installation? Now it sounds like he might be “out there” spying on people from the bushes or luring little kids into an ice cream truck. When I finally decide to leave at 6 pm, “he” may have been “out there” but he never showed his face at my place.
When I get home, I angrily call the company for a refund or at least an explanation. ME: “My tech never arrived.” THEM: “You could have checked online to see where your tech was at.” ME: “How, exactly? I had no internet.” THEM: “Your tech will call if they are going to be late.” ME: “They never showed at all and no call either.” THEM: “Our techs are very busy.” ME: “I certainly understand that but I’m wondering when someone might be able to come?” THEM: “Two weeks from now or more.” When I then ask for a refund of the $175 I have already paid them I am told “NO refunds until we get the modem back”. ME: “I have NO modem!” THEM: “What did you do with it?!” ME: “Nothing! I never had one because nobody ever showed up to give me one!” THEM: “I’ll have to connect you with my manager.” The conversation did not improve.
I call the third internet company. ME: “I’m calling because I’d like to set up a new internet connection.” THEM: “Sure, let’s get you scheduled!” Oh, progress! On the appointment day someone actually shows up! Unfortunately, he says he can’t “see” the tower from there because it is a gloomy day so he doesn’t know if it will work or not. He tells me he will be back next week to “look again”. I can’t wait. I guess all I can do is stare up to the sky and pray to the internet Gods. Wish me luck…
People go CRAZY when they lose their internet connection (myself included). It’s like the world might end. HOW WILL PEOPLE KNOW WHAT I HAD FOR DINNER OR THAT I WENT TO THE GYM TODAY?! We could be doing so many other things like spending time with our family, reading a book, going for a walk, making some cookies, etc. etc. But, all we really do is stare at the screen muttering “Connect you Son of A B—-!” We will just keep hitting that connect button over and over expecting different results, demanding them with our tone of voice. Some of us (myself included, again) will go so far as to rough the machine up a bit.
What’s the obsession with being connected? What do we think we are going to miss? It’s like little kids not wanting to go to sleep at night. They are sure we are up to something awesome while they are sleeping. The truth is, there really isn’t anything that spectacular going on. It can all wait until tomorrow. Or the next day, or the next day. We must stop the madness! Don’t worry. When you return, Facebook will still be full of pictures of people’s “adorable” children, Pinterest will be loaded with DIY ideas destined to fail, and your email will still contain those special offers from some make believe University promising you an online degree in 6 weeks. So, take time out for a breather every now and then. Sneak a peek at this life that is passing you by.
To all of those websites who are still using CAPTCHA. PLEASE STOP! I assure you, I am not a bot. But, I am however lacking in vision and your letters and curves, floating all over the place are more than I can handle. Honestly, ask me whatever you want. I am sure there are other ways for me to prove my humanness. But this, I cannot take. I try to stare at the letters and I feel like I am on acid. I enter what I believe are the correct symbols and nope, try again. Nope, try again. Dammit! I can take no more! Can’t I just do some math? I mean seriously simple math like 2 + 2 or something. Of course the bot probably knows that too because I know it’s a hell of a lot smarter than me. Screw you, bot! I don’t have somebody programming my knowledge. Ok, how about some personal information? Like the first time I got lucky or my actual weight compared to what I said on my driver’s license. Now the bot is laughing hysterically. I’m not sure there is any way I can win this battle…All I know is that if it takes me more than one time to try to get into your site and you still believe I am automated, I am outta here. (Like outta this room, not the universe).
Damn you social media! Now, my daughter has been sucked into the madness. I know, I am a geezer and too old fashioned. But, I don’t believe 10 year olds belong on Facebook, Tweety, Clicker or whatever the heck is out there. She just isn’t ready for those pressures and doesn’t understand the safety measures that need to be taken. Nonetheless, today her dad found her on Instagram. He called me and I asked her about it and got the instant tears but she claims she doesn’t have it on her iPod. Well, she doesn’t have the app anymore. She deleted it, so she’s got me there. But, her account still exists with pictures and posts a plenty. When I asked her why she wanted the account she said EVERYONE in her class has it! I don’t know if that’s true but she will be the ONE who doesn’t. Now, I am the big, bad meanie. That’s ok, I am here to be her MOM first and then her friend. Can’t we just keep playing Candyland?? I am not ready for all of this.