Ears On The Road

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earbuds   What’s with all of these idiots driving around with ear buds in? Seems much worse (or at least the same) as texting or talking on the phone. I don’t think the phone is the problem, I think it is the conversation. If you are in a monster fight with your boyfriend, your state of mind might not be the best for maneuvering turns or parallel parking. Music is my vice. I am always fumbling around with the iPod finding my sick beats and paying less attention than I should to the road. I have seen people apply makeup while driving and even reading a book. Don’t you just love those people who are eating while driving?! It’s never like a banana or an apple either. It is a Big Mac Meal dripping all over the place. The guy with the ear buds today was enjoying a juicy burger WHILE he rocked his ear buds. Both things must have been enjoyable as he was perfectly content to sit at a red light for not one but two cycles. Blasting on the horn doesn’t help and unfortunately he couldn’t see my finger. They need to make some of those #1 fingers like they do for sports games except let’s change the finger. This guy was definitely #1 in my book.

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Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

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turnaboutHow come there are no other drivers on the face of the Earth who know how to do those turnabout things right?? There are two types of motorists who approach these things with very different strategies. The first type believe that the world will yield to them so they can do as they please with complete disregard to all other people. They speed, they cut-in and they WILL run you over if you are walking or riding a bike and dare enter the circle. The second type is like a deer in the headlights. They pause and stare around as if this is the first time they have ever driven a car and if they screw up, the driver’s ed instructor might slam on the brakes from his side of the car. They start to go then stop several times causing all people present utter confusion. If all of this wasn’t bad enough I have seen other rules broken as well that should be obvious but since they aren’t, I feel inclined to mention them.

  1. Put down your phone BEFORE you enter the turnabout.
  2. Put down your beer BEFORE you enter the turnabout.
  3. Stop making out with your partner BEFORE you enter the turnabout.
  4. Your dog does not belong on your lap.
  5. Your girlfriend does not belong on your lap (see rule 3).
  6. Tell your kid to sit down and shut-up BEFORE you enter the turnabout.
  7. You Should Not be wearing headphones and rocking out while driving.
  8. You DON’T need to wear sunglasses when it is dark outside.
  9. Finish applying your makeup BEFORE you enter the turnabout.
  10. Put down your taco BEFORE you enter the turnabout.

If fellow drivers could help me out by at least considering the above rules, I would really appreciate it. If not, well, it will be pretty much be the same as every other day.

Race To The Finish Line

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crazy driver There seems to be two kinds of drivers who insist on cutting you off and pulling out right in front of you. The first kind of driver will put the pedal to the metal like they are starting out in the Indy 500. They fly in front of you to the point where you are forced to slam on your brakes. You’re thinking they must really have someplace they need to be. Nope. Once they get into position right in front of you, they slow down to a crawl. If you aren’t going to move, why couldn’t you wait for me to pass??

The second kind of driver will also cut you off but is too dumb to realize that there is no place to go. So, they keep switching lanes, veering in and out of traffic, pissing everybody off and eventually ending up at the same red light right along with the rest of us. It’s like that driving scene from Meet The Parents. Do they now feel better that they are 12 feet ahead of me? You win pal. What a victory.

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Flipping The Bird

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road ragePeople drive me crazy! Don’t you just love when someone bashes into you with their cart at the store? Then, they will give you a crusty look like you did something wrong. How about when you are trying to walk across the street and nobody will stop for you? They all pretend they don’t see you or worse yet, try to hit you with a puddle. What about the battle for the last parking spot at the mall (ok, not the last one, but the last one within a mile of the front doors)? I end up walking the mile with two kids while some 15 yr. old gets the good spot.

It’s a tough thing trying to battle your road rage when you have kids riding in the car. But, when some idiot cuts me off and about runs us off the road, I feel obligated to give them the bird. So, I roll down the window and try to discretely pass my message along. If it’s just too cold to roll down the window (as it has been lately with below zero temps), I try to do the “side of the head” flip-off technique. Sure, sometimes I get busted. In that case, I tell my daughter that I am just waving. I think she may be on to me. Today, she asked me why I would wave at such a rude person. As long as morons keep crossing my path, I will keep on waving.