Printer Offline

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printer   I don’t know about you, but I clearly have a printer that rolls with the dark side. I have never had much luck with printers but this one is the worst piece of junk to ever grace my wannabe printer stand. It won’t scan, won’t make copies, won’t print wireless, won’t print plugged in (at least not when you want it to) or any other general functions of a decent printer. I know what you’re thinking but no, it isn’t operator error. My husband can’t get the thing to work either and he is the technically savvy one. Out of 6 computers in our home, it will only recognize 2 and that is on a good day. We have to reinstall the software on those 2 computers often. It won’t do wireless so you have to plug in. The first 2 or 3 times you hit print it won’t do anything. So, we do the classic dumb human thing and keep hitting print several more times expecting a different result. Finally, 1 copy will print (maybe). Sometimes it will give up mid-job for no apparent reason. In the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping but me it will start printing out those other 20 copies of that last document. Sometimes it will bust something out from a few months ago or even something I have never seen before in my life. It laughs and mocks me almost daily. Maybe he is angry that I won’t get him a real printer stand or he’s pissed that I let dust collect on him. But, if he (yes, it’s male for sure) would work properly, I might take him out to play more often. I’d like to drop kick him and haul him to the dumpster but I am afraid he might come back to haunt me. Thank goodness my printing needs are few and far between these days.

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Kids Roaming The Cyberworld

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kid on computer   Damn you social media! Now, my daughter has been sucked into the madness. I know, I am a geezer and too old fashioned. But, I don’t believe 10 year olds belong on Facebook, Tweety, Clicker or whatever the heck is out there. She just isn’t ready for those pressures and doesn’t understand the safety measures that need to be taken. Nonetheless, today her dad found her on Instagram. He called me and I asked her about it and got the instant tears but she claims she doesn’t have it on her iPod. Well, she doesn’t have the app anymore. She deleted it, so she’s got me there. But, her account still exists with pictures and posts a plenty. When I asked her why she wanted the account she said EVERYONE in her class has it! I don’t know if that’s true but she will be the ONE who doesn’t. Now, I am the big, bad meanie. That’s ok, I am here to be her MOM first and then her friend. Can’t we just keep playing Candyland?? I am not ready for all of this.

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Passwords Keep People Out, Including Me

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password     Passwords. They are everywhere. You can’t do anything without them. Those little login boxes are lurking all around just waiting to mock at me and spew out “Password incorrect, please try again”. For “safety” reasons we are told to not reuse the same password for different places. And, it shouldn’t be anything obvious like our address, kids’ names or favorite sports team. How on Earth could I remember anything else, most days I can barely recall what day of the week it is. I would seriously have to remember about 20 different user name/password combinations just to get through the day. Now, most sites have added the bonus of needing a capital letter, a symbol, a number and who knows what else. Like it wasn’t hard enough to begin with. I keep trying what I think the password is until I get the message asking me if I have forgotten my password. No, I am purposely entering the wrong crap just to waste time and see if I can drive myself crazy. Then, you get the endless questions verifying that this is your account. What is my favorite food? What was my first job? What was the name of your first pet? Now, you would think I should know the answers to these questions. After all, I have answered them before and this shit is about me. But, sometimes I still get it wrong and receive a message saying I have to contact customer service. At that point I start cussing, slam the computer down and give up the fight. Until we meet again…which is probably tomorrow.

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Me VS The Machine Pt. 2 (I lose Again)

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help!    I hate to admit that technology has handed my ass to me again but, even I know when I have been defeated. The original idea seemed simple enough. I was trying to put together a 1 minute film to enter into a contest. 3 days later, the mission has still not been accomplished and I am ready to destroy the next machine that gets in my way.

Because I have pictures, videos, slides and sound clips in various places, I ended up using 5 different computers just to collect all of the media I wanted. Plus, one computer has a file converter, one has my video camera software installed on it, one has backup picture files and so on. With the power of flash drives, I finally managed to get all of the data on one computer and a day later, I had a completed video. We’re done right? Nope. More conversions to create the proper file type.

Next, I log onto the website to enter my video. After signing my life away to create an account, I load the video. So far, so good. The next screen asks for a bunch more info, no problem. The last page wants me to load a cover photo for the film. I do, it won’t load. I try again and again, no luck. I notice a box that says “If you are having trouble loading your photo, email ______” So, this happens often huh? I email that person and she starts spouting off the necessary dimensions, ratios and file names. My response is…”What?” But, I try again and again and again. You win technology, my brain hurts.

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Me Vs. The Machine

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angry computer Technology hates me. It attacks me every chance it gets. I was sitting here on the couch yesterday, minding my own business and the printer suddenly starts printing out stuff and spitting it all over the floor. What’s it printing? Oh you know, that document I tried to print months ago. I guess the waiting time is a bit longer than I expected. And, no matter how many times I press that red X, it won’t STOP printing. There goes all of my ink and paper. This printer is supposed to scan stuff too. Let me tell you this, it doesn’t. I gave up trying. It just made me want to kick and punch it right in the paper tray.

My laptop is out to get me too. It is completely possessed. Some days, the screen just turns blue and it refuses to turn off or come back on. I throw it a lot, probably doesn’t help. The latest trick it pulls is just turning the Wifi off. It never happens when I’m browsing Facebook or playing games, only when I am doing something important. I yell at it a lot, probably doesn’t help. Hey, if that piece of crap was nice to me, I might be nice to it too. Until then, the war is on.

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