Early Bird Special

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Early-Bird   Another day, another horrific shopping experience at Wal-Mart. This time I didn’t even have to be in the store for the crap to start. It happened the moment I turned into the parking lot. Why are people such raging lunatics when it comes to a parking space? It feels like high noon and the showdown has begun. I saw a spot fairly close to the front so I go for it. A truck clear at the other end of the row floors it and pulls in right in front of me puffing diesel smoke in my face. Ok, plan b. I find a spot in the next row and head there. Someone is actually standing in the spot “saving it for a friend” (her own words). Since when were we allowed to save a parking spot for a friend?? I really just wanted to run the pretty little thing down but I still smiled and drove for another 15 minutes trying to find a parking space (Yes, I could have just taken a spot at the rear of the parking lot but that isn’t how I roll). I find a primo spot and make my move. Out of nowhere one of those tiny wannabe cars flies in front of me. I notice the sign says it is “Senior Parking Only” so I think ok, no big deal. I couldn’t have parked there anyway and this geezer needs it more than I do. But then some punk gets out, flicks his cigarette on the ground and briskly walks into the store. I am more of a senior than you are!! I have two kids, haven’t slept a full night in years, bags under my eyes, sagging boobs, fading memory and arthritis. So, if I see another youngster trying to steal my old lady spot I am kicking some butt (with my cane if necessary)!! I finally did find a parking spot and damn near got ran over by another lunatic. 30 mph is an unacceptable speed for the parking lot.  SLOW DOWN, there are seniors walking here.

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