Somebody Love Me

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fb love   As most of you know, certain Facebook posts really drive me crazy. I can tolerate someone’s pet in a sweater, the latest “here’s what I’m eating”, babies sleeping, babies eating, babies crying, babies pooping and even the occasional rant about a spouse (I am actually really entertained by those). But, those Facebook prompts asking people to respond have to stop. Remember those cartoons where the person has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? I think my devil side kicks in when I read these posts and I want to respond accordingly. Here are some that I may start responding to and probably get unfriended for!

Facebook Prompt #1

DESCRIBE ME USING ONLY ONE WORD

Don’t you ever just want to? I know what they are searching for; words like loving, beautiful, intelligent, caring. But I want to say what we are all thinking: CREEPY, NEEDY, STRANGE, DESPERATE and so on…

Facebook Prompt #2

NAME ONE SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF ME

In this case I suppose people are looking for songs that will make them feel good about themselves. They want to know people think they are attractive, fun, wild, or a rockstar. I never ask this question because obviously I have one of those stupid song names and so I would get nothing but Jolene. How original. But, what if we answered this honestly? What song reminds me of you, let’s see… SUPER FREAK, CRAZY BITCH, BABY GOT BACK, DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY.

Facebook Prompt #3

I NEED A HUG, LET’S SEE HOW MANY FRIENDS WILL STOP TO GIVE ME ONE

I wouldn’t even try to post this. It would produce that awkward moment where everyone reads the post but nobody actually gives a “hug” so now I look like a real tool. When I see this on someone else’s page I think well that’s kinda sad, I would give them a hug. But, this is Facebook! You aren’t getting a hug, you are getting a pity post. The end. Get a dog. They are much more loving than this social vice will ever be.

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