Troubling Toys


good guy  The holidays have passed, the gifts have all been torn open and the mound of toys has spread all through the house. What toys drive you nuts? All parents have experienced the piercing pain of a Lego to the bottom of the foot in the middle of the night. How about the stickers you discover on the windows or the pretty picture with crayons drawn on the bedroom wall? I have always hated markers, Playdoh, silly putty and those creepy dolls with the eyes that open and close. Then, there are all of those wonderful play things that make noise. LOTS of noise. These are the toys your parents love to give you as a payback for all of the headaches you caused them. I am sure they laugh like hell when they are wrapping up that keyboard or firetruck. Has your child ever received a drum set? Mine has. Let me tell you, that migraine will last you until next Christmas.

What’s up with the dolls that you have to feed and then it soils itself? It cries constantly too. Don’t we already have one of those around the house? It’s called your baby sister. Do I really need another thing I have to buy food and diapers for and figure out why it is howling? I told my daughter to stop feeding hers after I found out the diapers for the thing cost almost $2 each! I don’t like toys that talk either. It never fails that I am sneaking out of a dark bedroom trying not to wake up the kid I just got to sleep and I will step on that creature. It starts talking, I jump back startled, knock over something else and then the kid is awake again. I swear those talking toys are out to get me. They scare the shit out of me constantly. I don’t need things talking to me that aren’t alive. It just reminds me of Chucky. Chucky got thrown into the fireplace at the end of the movie. That is where these things are headed too…

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