Condoms, Tampons and Other Embarrassing Needs from THAT Aisle

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tampons   Why is it so embarrassing to buy condoms? Or tampons? Neither of these items should be a shameful purchase. If you are in need of condoms, you must be getting some action (or at least hoping to). That isn’t a bad thing, is it? And why is it disgraceful to menstruate? I have come up with a solution to lessen our anxiety over these purchases. Men should buy the tampons and women should buy the condoms.

I think when a man goes to the store to purchase condoms, he is instantly judged. It may be cool if the checkout person is a male because then they can just do a high five and agree that they are both “manly” men. But, if it is a woman she is probably thinking something like “look at this cocky guy thinking he is going to get lucky tonight”. There is also the added pressure of what SIZE you are going to purchase. Do you get the size you actually need or the size you want people to think you are? What about lubrication, color and all those other variables? Your woman knows what size you are and she knows what funky “extras” she would like. So, if the woman just takes care of this purchase, it becomes less of an issue. The guys will think Wow, cool chick! And the girls will think I wish I had someone to be with. Heavy sigh.

Now, if you are a woman buying tampons you will get awkward stares from all sides. Your fellow females look on with sympathy and the males run like hell. If you must go to a male to pay for your tampons, he will be extra cautious as if he thinks you may go postal on him at any moment because of your PMS condition. Little does he know, that is a possibility anytime and has little to do with PMS. I try to buy tampons with a bunch of other groceries so I can bury them in the bottom of the cart. Otherwise, you are forced to do the walk of shame to the checkout counter. If the men buy the tampons, problem solved. Everyone knows they aren’t using the tampons (well at least I hope not) and they might even receive some compassion because people believe they have a raging lunatic they must go home to. Better be safe and grab a carton of Ben and Jerry’s while you’re at it.

If we could all be a little less petty, it wouldn’t be such an issue. People need condoms, people need tampons. Hell, sometimes people even need some Preparation H or Vagisil. Eyes on your own cart…

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