Get in Commode Mode


bathroom  When nature calls, it calls. I personally would rather pee out in the woods than in a public restroom but, you gotta do what you gotta do. And let’s face it, poop happens. I think if people could follow a few simple rules when it comes to proper bathroom etiquette, potty time would be a little easier on us all.

  1. If you can make it home to do your business, please do so. We’re all stocked up here.
  2. If you must do your business here, no loitering please. I know some people have an uncontrollable urge to sit in their own stench while they check the tweets but this isn’t the place.
  3. Don’t talk on your phone. This isn’t a phone booth, it is a bathroom stall. And, I think you are talking to me, so I try to answer out of politeness and it just gets plain awkward.
  4. I can’t speak from personal experience but from what I hear, long conversations at the urinal are frowned upon.
  5. I think everyone has read the reports that the first stall is the yuckiest because it is used the most. To avoid that, everyone has started using the last stall so now it is the most frequented. Shoot for the middle.
  6. Strange noises will be heard. Try not to giggle until you are out of the vicinity. What? You’ve never had a Taco Bell experience? None of us are above blow-out diarrhea. What happens in the stall stays in the stall. Unless you hear two people getting it on or some gotta share gossip. Those stories you can tell.
  7. Ok, you’re a single mom. I get that. So, brining your young son into the women’s bathroom with you is acceptable to me. But, when he is old enough to gawk and try to sneak a peek he should be using his own restroom.
  8. Be prepared to share a sheet or two. We’ve all experienced it. We were in such a hurry to do our business; we didn’t notice there wasn’t any TP until it was too late. You ask a neighbor to help you out but they pretend their stall is soundproof and just ignore you. Rudeness! If you can spare a square, you should do so.
  9. A little primping upon exiting the stall is ok. Obviously hand washing is required or WE WILL judge you. Then, maybe a run of the fingers through your hair or a little lip gloss. That’s it. This is not your vanity. That is why I am standing behind you glaring as I wait for my turn.
  10. Lock the stall!! I’m having an emergency here. Walking in on yours is just something I don’t need!

As a common courtesy, if you see someone about to leave with their skirt tucked into their undies, or toilet paper streaming from their shoe, please tell them. Unless it’s your boss, or one of those walking Barbie doll types. They need to be taken down a peg or two.

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