Momentarily Checking-Out


walmart hell  You know those moments we experience when we completely lose it for a few minutes? I prefer to have mine in a public place for all to see. No sense going into a rage unless all can enjoy it. I like to look like an ass in the middle of Wal-Mart. There is just something about that place that grabs onto all of your sensibilities and throws them out the window. Here is one of my latest rants…

So there I was at Wal-Mart, a half an hour behind. One kid was begging me for Monster High Dolls (don’t even get me started) and the other one has a fresh load in her diaper. It is hot, they are both crabby and their mother hasn’t had a full night’s rest in at least two years. Between the family reunions in the aisles and the lack of stocked shelves, I was getting more irritable by the minute. Hordes of people were everywhere getting ripped off by the latest “Back to School” specials. I am driving one of those massive carts with the seats for the kids to sit in just so I can keep them quiet and corralled for 10 minutes while I get a few necessary items. Needless to say, that piece of crap cart DOES NOT STEER well and forget about turning around or making any quick stops.

I finally complete my shopping minus the items I can’t find and have stopped searching for. Now, I am flying down the aisle trying to beat the other stooges to the checkout line. Suddenly, The Wal-Mart Wax Man is headed in my direction. You know him. He’s that guy on the huge machine attempting to shine a floor that’s dirtier than a toilet seat. He has nowhere to be and all day to get there. He is headed right towards me. One side of him is loaded with shoppers so I go for his other side that appears to be uncluttered. Right as I go to make my move, he sternly tells me “It would be better for me if you would go on the other side!” I immediately blurt out (loudly), “It would be better for me if you would get the hell out of my way!” I know. Ok, I’m sorry for the rudeness. But, why are you waxing the floor at the busiest location of the store, at one of the busiest times of the year and at the busiest time of the day?!? After I yelled at him he said “Oh, I am sorry ma’am.” Then, I really felt like shit. Other customers were also starting to stare but I think that was mainly because I had slammed my big ass cart into the jewelry case and stuff was rattling around. Hey, I told you that thing wouldn’t steer.

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