Another Speed Bump In The Road


the_shining_jack_nicholson    Remember how your mother used to tell you to make sure you have clean underwear on when you left the house, in case you were in an accident? Recently, I discovered that your concerns should extend beyond just your underwear. I realized this as I was flat on my back in the parking lot after slipping on the ice. As the stars and little birdies were circling my head; high school kids were walking by snickering, maintenance workers were laughing loudly and my neighbor just stared at me as he hopped into his SUV. There was no dignified way to get out of this. The worst part is, I was just trying to make a quick trip to the bank. A five minute job, nobody is going to see me! Then, they all did and in my worst form. I am wearing a stocking cap with bedhead peeking out, no makeup, my fluffy pajama pants which are too short and my sneakers. I felt snot starting to drip down my face as the snowflakes pelted my cheeks. I wasn’t sure if I could move but I had to get up and stop the mockery! I staggered to my feet and walked to the house as fast as I could, wet ass and all. I haven’t ventured out since. Damn you Old Man Winter, don’t you know I could bust a hip here?? And to the Mockers: I think “Are you alright?” or “Do you need help up?” would be good questions to ask. You can still laugh at Grandma but, don’t just leave me to freeze like Jack Nicholson in The Shining! Jerks.

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