You Might Be A Douchebag If…

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bad parking    Jeff Foxworthy alerts the rednecks of their existence. But, rednecks are fairly harmless. I am more concerned with douchebags. They are everywhere and seem to be multiplying like bunnies. Most douchebags already know they are douchebags and simply don’t care. But, if I can reach even one douchebag and show them the error of their ways, this post will have been worth it.

So, you might be a douchebag if:

– You “know” everything and insist on shoving your “knowledge” in other people’s faces any chance you get. They NEED to know that you’re right.

– You take up two spots by parking diagonally; just because you can.

– You refuse to get off your cell phone even when you are at the checkout counter. You’re too important to care.

– You make the “duck” face in pictures and shamelessly promote them on Facebook.

– You bathe in Axe body spray and believe it will make you more attractive to the ladies.

– You own the biggest, baddest off-road vehicle on the market; and use it to drive the kids to soccer.

– You start a sentence with “I don’t mean to brag but…” You meant to brag, shut-up already.

– You seriously believe other people are beneath you and not only step but STOMP on them.

– You weigh 80 pounds but constantly bitch about how “fat” you are.

– You think you are in dire straits but still spend $8 a day on Starbucks coffee.

– You’re a politician. Or, play one on Facebook.

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