When Monkeys Run The Zoo


bossIt’s hard to play well with others when the others are soul sucking, incompetent mutants sent straight from hell. You know the type I am talking about. I guess some people refer to them as “the boss” but I have always used other names. It’s not like I don’t respect authority but, you’re going to have to give me something to respect. My last job honestly made me question whether I was in The Twilight Zone every single day.

So, my job was to oversee the neighborhood and report any violations to “the boss”. Here is an actual conversation that took place:

Me: “The tenants in Apt. _ have a dog and are violating the “No Pet” policy.”

The Boss: “How do you know they have a dog?”

Me: “I have seen the dog tied up outside their apartment several times so I went and asked them about it and they confirmed it was theirs.”

The Boss: “Is there a possibility it is someone else’s dog?”

Me: “Well, I don’t think so since they admitted it was theirs and the dog was in the house when I went to talk with them.”

The Boss: “Are we sure it doesn’t belong to the neighbor?”

Me: “Yes, I’m pretty sure because the neighbor has been complaining about the dog poop in the yard.”

The Boss: “Is there dog poop?”

Me: “Yes, it’s everywhere.”

The Boss: “How do you know it is dog poop?”

Me: ??? “What?”

The Boss: “Are you sure it’s dog poop?”

Me: “I am no expert but that would be my best guess since they have a dog and there is dog size poop all over in the front yard.”

The Boss: “Are you planning on talking to them about the dog?”

Me: “I already did. They said they are allowed to have it. That’s why I am reporting it to you.”

The Boss: “Ok, if you could go ahead and take care of that and let me know how it goes.”

Me: “Can’t you send them a letter about the policy violation?”

The Boss: “Once we figure out the situation, we can decide what steps to take next.”

Me: ??????

I guess if I had some extensive training in dog poop identification, maybe I would be trusted to make an authoritative decision. Scotty, are you there?? A little help please…


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