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police Sometimes when you need a good laugh, you don’t need to look any further than your local newspaper. The police reports can be quite entertaining. At least in our small town anyway. Obviously citizens and police alike must be pretty bored. I guess that’s not a bad thing. The humor comes from a few different groups of people:


    The Drunks

– An intoxicated woman said she twisted her ankle when she fell after a man bumped into her on Main Street.
– Police received a report of a vehicle with it’s alarm going off at 4:55am. Officers found an intoxicated woman in the passenger seat and an intoxicated man on the side of the car surrounded by vomit. They were given a ride to a friend’s house.
– A man and woman who were both intoxicated were sitting on a bench at the library at 10:06am. The caller who reported them said they weren’t causing a problem, just drinking beer and greeting people. They were warned.

    The Paranoid

– A woman reported a growing concern about a downstairs neighbor who plays loud music all hours of the night and has acted aggressively toward another neighbor.
– A caller thought a neighbor possibly had an illegal muffler on his jeep. The caller said when the neighbor starts it up and revs the engine, the caller can hear it from a few blocks away.
– A tenant in a Main Street Building reported he thought that a vacuum was stolen from the building’s closet. He was unsure, however and said he would report it if he found out the vacuum had in fact been stolen.

    The Stupid

– A man and woman were warned for arguing in a parking lot about who was going to drive across the street to McDonald’s.
– Two men were warned for driving through a field that they didn’t own.
– A caller reported that her son was walking in the rocks at McDonald’s and tripped on a hose that was hidden in the rocks.
-Someone threw Burger King barbecue sauce at a person’s Leep Lane door. The person thought past renters might have been the culprits.

    Just Plain WTF?

– A woman wanted to talk to an officer about an incident the previous night where the man she was dancing with was spinning her around too roughly and broke her finger.
– A woman reported that she was missing a homemade llama ornament that was taken out of her mailbox at Christmas time.
– Several people entered an apartment uninvited, sprayed baby powder in the room and urinated on the floor.
– An officer spoke with a man who was wearing a cape and hood and carrying a fake ax. The man said he was just doing it to see what kind of attention he would get.

Police Reports courtesy of The Bozeman Daily Chronicle

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