Those Were The Days

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spongebob It’s 3:30 in the morning. I am awoke by the wails of an unhappy baby with a loaded diaper and a dry bottle. After changing the butt, I fumble to make another bottle with my eyes only half open. Then, I realize I just put coffee in the bottle instead of formula. After a few choice words, I start over. I finally manage to get it right but when I get back to the baby, she is already fast asleep. Ok, I climb back into my warm, toasty bed, just start to drift off and the whole process repeats itself. And, again and again. We love our kids and they bring us moments of pure happiness. But, there are a few things I really miss about life before kids (mostly, sleep!). Here’s the short list:

Going to the bathroom. Yes, I still use the bathroom but NEVER alone. Peeing solo is gone forever.

Sex. Kids seem to have radar. Once anything even remotely steamy starts, they will require your immediate attention.

Traveling anywhere beyond the supermarket. If you are brave enough to attempt it, be prepared to stop every 10 minutes so someone can use the bathroom (even though they said they didn’t have to go when you asked them 5 minutes ago).

Dining Out. The restaurant is packed. You just ordered your food. Next up, the baby decides to throw a fit (a monster one). Now, you have to exit the place while everyone glares at you in disgust.

A nice long, hot shower. I have two choices. Leave the baby playing outside the shower and listen to her scream. Or, bring her in the shower with me and listen to her scream. Either way, I get 3 minutes of cleansing time at the most.

A clean house. You know, the kind without blocks, sippy cups and stuffed animals cluttering the couch and living room floor.

Tv that isn’t animated. I have watched so much Dora, SpongeBob and Strawberry Shortcake, it’s amazing I can even make a coherent sentence. I miss my horror movies!

Books without pictures (or felt, ribbon or something else ridiculous). I used to read, really. I don’t think I have read a book in the last 5 years.

It’s all good. There will come a day when I can have a conversation about more than crayons or playdough.

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