Mr. Claus

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scary santaWhy do we force our kids to sit on Santa’s lap? We are constantly preaching to them to not talk to strangers or take candy from them. Then, we make them go and beg the fat man for presents and treats. Oh sure, he’s jolly. But, he is also big, red and loud. Sounds scary to me. Then we wonder why we have these horrific photos with terrified looks and crocodile tears.

The mall santas are the worst. Haven’t you ever seen The Bad Santa? They stink (they are sweating like a pig in that suit), they are crabby and they often reek of booze. Can you blame them? I can’t even imagine having brats climbing on me all day long, slobbering and wiping snot all over. I know that guy doesn’t get paid enough.

Even if you do make it through the visit without too much damage, then you have to deal with “the list”. Either you have to buy all of the things your child requested, explain to them that they are on the “naughty list”, or get creative. Try something like “The elves don’t make electronics honey, they can’t test them because of their sensitive pointy ears”. Good luck with all of that.

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